by Dave Ogershok, head of the tech support crew at Craftsman.
If you get stuck, give them a call at 760-438-7828 ext. 2. Or simply fill out our online form for free tech support.
You're cutting rafters on a hip roof and the new guy working with you says, "Hey Boss, how do I make the whatchamacallits stand up while the doohickeys are being stuck together with those contraptions?"
You're tempted to reply, "Dang-it-all, Arlo! How many times do I have to tell you? Nobody knows a 'doohickey' from a 'whatchamacallit'. If you're talking about the ridgeboard and framing connectors, then say so! A hip is a hip and a jack is a jack. Sometimes I swear you don't know a sill plate from a stud!"
By lunchtime Arlo will get over the insult and you'll be back at the office trying to install that new software. "First, put the CD-ROM in the drive and . . . wait a minute . . . Where did the directions go? Gotta get the program working but something isn't right. Better call tech support for some help!"
"Hello. Is this tech support? Good. Hi. I just put your thing in the whoozits and nothing happened, but the doo-flicky made a little noise then said it couldn't find something or other. Do I need to download some hardware, or get some more modems, or what?"
It's easy to sound foolish in unfamiliar situations. Without the right words, we're all handicapped.
Words are tools. They work for us, making life easier, just like the tools you carry on your belt. Not knowing the right words is like driving a nail with a spirit level. Fortunately, nobody has to be a certified geek to communicate with the guys in Craftsman's tech support department. A few simple concepts are all it takes.
To make your job easier, we've defined the most useful terms. Take a few minutes to look over these terms. The next time you call, you'll sound like a real pro.
Hardware. This is an easy one. If you can pick it up and drop it on your foot, it's hardware. Included here are those things that turn on, get warm, make noises, light up, and quit working when your kid puts a grilled cheese sandwich inside them. Also sometimes known as monitors, printers, keyboards, mouses (mice?), scanners and so forth.
Software. A bit harder since you can't really see it; only the container it comes in. Software is the operating system (DOS, Windows, etc.) and the programs (Word, Lotus123, Video Poker) that you load into your hardware. Think of it this way: Software is like the music you play on your stereo at home. The CD player is hardware. Is the CD disk the music? No, not really. The music is encoded on the CD. The CD is the Storage Medium. Which brings us to –
Storage Media. These are the items that we store software on. Just as music was once stored on vinyl records and is now on CDs, the ways of storing software change with the times too. In years past, 5¼" floppy disks were common (remember 8 track tapes?) Today we use 3½" disks and CD ROMs. Keeping it straight is easy; 3½" disks are square and CDs are round. These are portable means of storage, but your computer contains another type of storage medium – the Hard Drive. These do the same thing but store far more data (information) than disks or CDs. The space on a hard drive is frequently (and incorrectly) called memory.
Memory. More accurately called RAM (Random Access Memory) it’s the place where your programs are when you are actually running them. Lots of RAM is good. More RAM is even better. If you have more RAM than someone else it makes you a better person than they are; unless, of course, they have a faster Modem.
Modems. You use a modem to allow your computer to talk to the outside world over telephone lines. This allows you to connect to the Internet, get e-mail, and receive countless advertisements from people who think you're very lonely. A fast modem is very important if you don't want to spend all day downloading.
Downloading. When you connect to some other computer using your modem and then transfer information from that computer to yours, that's called downloading. Not surprisingly, if you do it in the other direction – from your place to somewhere else – it's called uploading. If you download something to your computer, you must decide where on your computer you want it to go. In other words, what directory are you going to put it in?
Directories. Also called folders, these are sort of like cabinets, cubby holes, or drawers in a desk. Sometimes when you open a cabinet you see other little drawers inside, and inside these are still more little compartments and so forth. Directories or folders can be just like this, with sub-directories under directories. Just as the drawers of a desk can hold important papers, documents, bills and junk mail, the directories on your hard drive can contain files too.
Files. There are lots of types of files. More types, in fact, than most people even suspect. The most common and important types to us ordinary users are documents (letters, instructions, eviction notices…), graphics files (pictures of the kids, the dog, Mary Lou, etc.) and of course, programs.
Programs. When you really get down to it, programs are the real reason all of this other stuff is here. Earlier we compared the music that you play on your stereo system to software; and just as the music is the bottom-line reason for the stereo system, the programs are the real reason for all the other parts of your computer system. Programs like the software from Craftsman Book Company that you're trying to install right now. Let's give that geek another call, OK?
"This is Craftsman tech support, how can I help you?"
"Hi. I'm trying to install your CD Estimator and I get a message, "Unable to find D:\Setup.exe or one of its components."
"Sure! That's easy. Here's what you have to do . . ."
